Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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