i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
