3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
