My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
