if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
