I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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