What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
