Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
