now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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