Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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