Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
