Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
