I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
