My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
