I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
