If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
