Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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