How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
