You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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