We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
