No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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