3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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