I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
they're like a gay fantastic four
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
