so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He felt like a one man threesome
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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