Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize