You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
