I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm passing your future prison.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
