He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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