I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
