My liver just broke up with me...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
