Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I need moral support for this bender
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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