dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
