I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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