I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
