and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
