There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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