i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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