You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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