BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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