hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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