It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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