Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
