yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
