girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
