so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
