he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
