When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
