i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
