No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's Friday. Sex?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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