I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
