This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
not ubering you a puppy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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