So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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