I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize