I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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