My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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